Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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