I need help removing her.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
