she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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