I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
