i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
