you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
