pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
