I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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