Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
