yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
