so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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