Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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