how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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