Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
