it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
