You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
