That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
