im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
