So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
