All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
