I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
