I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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