I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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