And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
