I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
