There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
