I cut my penus on the lid.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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