He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
