I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
