he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
