I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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