im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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