She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Oh god it's open bar.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
