did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
