I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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