omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
