he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
