I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize