It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
