The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize