Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
