I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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