I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
