I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
