there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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