And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
