When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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