I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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