I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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