Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
vagina is talking i cant
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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