For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
