I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
