I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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