would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
