So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize