the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
