If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
