guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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