sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
