next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
