I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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