wat bout pragnant strippers??
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
