im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
