i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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