nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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