Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
