I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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