she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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