I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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