he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
