Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
