i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
